The fight isn't about the dishes

Almost every couple I work with has some version of the same fight — dishes, texts, being late, tone of voice — that keeps coming back no matter how many times it’s been “resolved.” That’s usually the first clue that it isn’t really about the dishes.

Recurring arguments tend to be carrying something underneath them: a need to feel prioritized, a fear of being dismissed, an old pattern from a much earlier relationship. Naming what’s actually underneath is often what finally lets a couple stop having the same fight on repeat.